Do you find yourself avoiding any type of internal conflict, powerful emotions, bothersome thoughts, or distressing memories? Yeah, me too. But sadly emotional avoidance doesn’t make those thoughts and feelings go away…in fact, it can strengthen them and stress you out even more.
Furthermore, emotional avoidance may contribute to other unhealthy avoidant behaviors. In this blog, you will learn how to start dealing with your emotions with healthy coping techniques instead of conflict avoidance, but first, let’s clarify what we mean by “emotional avoidance.”
What is Emotional Avoidance?
To put it simply, which is always the best way to put anything, emotional avoidance is avoiding emotions. Who would have thought, right? Also called experiential avoidance, emotional avoidance attempts to avoid, neglect, and suppress difficult internal thoughts, feelings, memories, and sensations.
Experts believe that this type of unhealthy coping contributes to unhealthy avoidant behavior like substance use and abuse, risky behaviors, deliberate self-harm, and more. It may also increase the risk of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in people who have experienced trauma.
While you may get some immediate relief by avoiding or covering up your difficult internal conflicts, it can turn into a dangerous cycle where unhealthy behaviors continue to repeat and you never fully deal with your emotional struggles.
For example, you may try your hardest not to feel angry, anxious, or depressed by covering up your thoughts and feelings. But this just hides them briefly and they come back stronger and it becomes harder and harder to cope.
Additionally, emotional avoidance can negatively impact your relationships. You may not be able to get close to other people because you fear rejection, vulnerability, or commitment. This can impact romantic, interpersonal, family, and other relationships.
If you wonder, “why do I avoid people?” and the answer is that you are trying to avoid dealing with social anxiety, low self-esteem, or other internal challenges, then you may be experiencing unhealthy conflict avoidance.
What is Avoidance Behavior and How Do I Recognize It?
It can be difficult to recognize an avoidant personality disorder because it can show up in subtle ways, but it’s basically any action or behavior designed to avoid dealing with internal conflict and distress. However, since it’s hard, try looking for some of these common avoidance coping behaviors:
- Avoiding social situations because of the way you feel
- Using substances or risky behavior to hide emotions and thoughts
- Procrastinating to deal with stress and anxiety
- Trying not to think about things that are uncomfortable or difficult
- Having judgmental thoughts about yourself or others that lead to avoidant behavior
- Doing things you don’t want to do in order to avoid things that make you deal with emotions
- Self-harming to stop distressing thoughts and feelings
- Putting off important tasks because they create discomfort or anxiety
- Ending relationships to avoid becoming vulnerable or attached
Recognizing your emotional avoidance coping is the first step. It can help you learn how to approach avoidance conflict in a healthier way and learn to deal with your feelings head-on. However, there are other steps to learn to cope!
How to Cope with Emotional Avoidance and Face Your Feelings Head-On
After you understand and recognize avoidant behavior then you’re ready to learn how to deal with emotional conflict head-on. However, that can be hard to do, so we recommend small steps. Here are some ways to stop avoidance coping and start using healthier ways to deal with emotions.
Identify Active Coping Alternatives
When you start to feel anxiety, uncomfortable thoughts, strong emotions, and distressing sensations creep up, take a pause to look at your options. You already know how to spot conflict-avoidant behaviors, but now it’s time to identify healthier alternatives.
For example, identify ways to address underlying emotional conflict like coping techniques, developing an action plan, or telling your support system.
Make a List of Thoughts and Feelings
By writing down the list of thoughts and feelings you are trying to avoid, you instantly face them head-on even if only briefly. This is a great step toward dealing with your emotions without emotional avoidance, but you can take it a step further by journaling about each of the items on the list. Plus, journaling can be great for your overall mental health and well-being!
Learn Better Ways to Manage Stress
Not only can stress lead to emotional avoidance, but conflict avoidance can also amplify stress levels. That’s why learning to deal with heightened stress is so important. Stress relief techniques can help you deal with emotional conflict more comfortably. Try using breathing techniques, taking care of yourself, talking to others, and taking breaks from stressful activities. If you need help, MindBar stress and anxiety classes can help!
Work on Communication
A major consequence of emotional avoidance is the impact on relationships, so that’s something that you will want to address with better communication. Instead of being a people-pleaser or simply ending conversations and relationships as a way to avoid discomfort, try learning how to resolve conflict in a healthy way while being assertive and standing up for yourself. While you’re at it, ask your loved ones to help you with avoidance coping!
Learn to Tolerate Emotions Gradually
You won’t suddenly jump from emotional avoidance to dealing with every emotion healthily. Instead, gradually learn to become more tolerant of distressing thoughts and feelings. Once you become more used to the emotions, you will gradually realize consciously and subconsciously that those feelings aren’t so bad. When you start feeling uncomfortable, use stress management techniques, lean on your support system, and watch the emotions pass into the past.
Conclusion
Emotional avoidance is incredibly common…in fact, I think everyone experiences avoidant behavior. However, when avoidance coping becomes a daily experience or starts to impact your relationships and well-being, it’s important to deal with it. Start by recognizing your avoidant behavior and identifying healthier alternatives. Then, deal with difficult feelings head-on with journaling, healthy stress management, and conflict-resolving communication.
If you need help, MindBar offers affordable mental health professionals, classes, and resources that can help you stop your emotional avoidance in its tracks. Click here to learn more!